How to Help Your Child Deal with Entrance Exam Stress

This time of year, as high school entrance exams are about to begin, stress levels in many families will be higher than usual. There are several key points to remember, so that both you and your children can pull through this rough patch with a little more grace.

                      

Your child’s performance on these entrance exams is not in any way a reflection of your performance as a parent, nor is it a reflection of your child’s worth as a person. These are key factors to remember as we discuss how to deal with your child’s state in this article. We will move on to discussing your own stress as a parent in the next.

It may seem redundant to say it, but never forget that this is far more stressful for your child than it is for you.

Managing your child’s stress

Beyond learning to appropriately manage your own stress about the process, just be there for your child. You know your child better than anyone else, after all. Genuinely analyze whether she needs a lot of guidance through the examination process, or whether this is the time to let her start forging her own path. (Of course allowing your child to take the reins does not mean okaying every idea they pass by you!)

A good way to begin is to sit down as a family and talk about school options, expectations, financial limitations, and so on, before applying anywhere. Make sure that your child understands what the different processes might be to go through to get into each of her choices (exams, interviews and essays being the most common).

When it comes to discussing your own concerns, pick wise times to discuss them with your child. For example, don't start venting your anxieties right after your child vents their own. This only piles on the stress. Rather, at these times provide them the assurance and support they are needing from you. At these times especially, remind your child often that you are proud, no matter the outcome, and mean it.

Remember that some anxieties might be best kept to yourself, like your worry that a child isn't smart enough to be accepted to a particular school. Some of your concerns, on the other hand, are very important to talk about with your child, such as how your child's education will be financed. Your prospective student needs to have a relative idea of how willing and able you are, as their parent, to provide money to pay for their school experience.

Don’t forget that if parents get hysterical or overwrought then kids will respond in kind. While some stress may peek its ugly head out at times, your child should not be witnessing you experiencing a daily meltdown. Learn to walk away when you need a minute to breathe and clear your head.

Listen to your child and only offer advice when asked for it, while keeping the lines of communication open. Make sure that your child knows she can come and talk to you any time. When she does, watch your tone and body language. Think before you speak. Give your child the confidence to make the best decisions for themselves. Double the number of times you say “I love you”. Remember to give unconditional love, especially when things aren’t going as expected. Ask them if anything you are doing is adding stress, and if you cannot change what you are doing, you can at least explain why you are doing it. Having a greater understanding of your behavior may be helpful for them. Offer love and support, and respect their ability to handle the process in a way that is right for them, even at this tender age.

Reinforce that there is not "just one school" that will make them happy or provide them with the keys to success. We can hurt our kids deeply if we let them think that whichever school accepts them makes a difference in how we feel about them. Advise your child that this is not necessarily a lifetime decision; they can always transfer to another school after first year if they want to.

There are also a number of other things you can do to help reduce your child’s stress around the house: Don’t make this period of time all about applying to schools! Make an extra effort to engage in other activities, especially fun outings. Give grace to your children: they may need to have less household responsibilities, and they may need to take some breaks to play with friends, watch a movie or exercise. 

Last but not least: don’t forget to sneak in as much fun for you both as you can. They need it and so do you!